Happy Valentine’s Day.
It is, in fact, the most romantic day in recorded history.
Until the next one, of course.
As such, we’re expecting the ‘Movies on TV’ schedule to reflect this and offer up nothing but love-themed comedies, dramas and perhaps even the odd horror.
Surely we won’t be ‘treated’ to a random Dirty Harry movie on ITV4 or a throwback ’90s actioner on TCM, right?
LET’S FIND OUT TOGETHER RIGHT NOW!
Here’s how it looks on the box on Monday, 14 February…
A Room with a View – Film4 – 6.45pm
Helena Bonham Carter takes a holiday to Florence. Romance ensues.
A Nightmare on Elm Street – Turner Classic Movies / TCM – 9pm
Nothin’ says Happy Valentines like the very first time Freddy Krueger terrorised an entire generation of school kids by invading their dreams and slicing them up with his signature razor-finger glove.
Mama – Horror Channel – 9pm
Atmospheric horror starring Jessica Chastain.
Two feral young girls are rescued from the woods, but it soon becomes apparent that something dark and deadly has followed with them.
In the Line of Fire – ITV4 – 9pm
Clint Eastwood plays a maybe over-the-hill secret service agent desperate to redeem himself and thwart a dangerous assassin – expertly played by John Malkovich – in the process.
Not very romantic, nor is Eastwood’s creepy and aggressive pursuit of Rene Russo.
Jerry Maguire – Film4 – 9pm
Our main pick this evening is powered by Tom Cruise’s million-dollar smile.
There are those of us who regard Cruise as the last great movie star.
And there are those who can’t get past his personal life.
Either way, Jerry Maguire presents maybe the most ‘Tom Cruise’ Tom Cruise performance ever captured on film as a cocky sports agent who gets the rug pulled out from under him at the peak of his powers.
Disgraced and almost alone, Maguire must try and build it all back up again.
Throw in a superb script, a star-making turn from Renee Zellweger and an Oscar-winning performance from Cuba Gooding Jr and you’ve got a modern classic, my friends.
The English Patient – TG4 – 9.30pm
Having survived a plane crash, Ralph Fiennes recounts the story of a doomed love affair.
Directed by the late Anthony Minghella, this was a huge hit at the Oscars, winning nine awards in total.
Willem Dafoe, Colin Firth, Kristen Scott Thomas and Juliette Binoche co-star.
Magnum Force – TCM – 10.55pm
Hey, remember we said something about a random Dirty Harry movie?
Well, we were right. Apart from the channel, that is.
Disobedience – Film4 – 11.50pm
Rachel Weisz and Rachel McAdams shine in a tale of deeply forbidden love.
Mars Attacks! – TCM – 1.25am
Tim Burton’s star-studded sci-fi farce is here for the late night crowd.